Background Check

Zarathruster By Zarathruster, 14th Mar 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Business>Business Opportunities

This article is an in depth examination of the preposterous nature of the employee background check and why the entire process in inverted.

Background Check

Background Check

The "Background Check" employers perform now a days has reached new heights of absurdity. From physicals to National Crime Information Checks, the requirements are endless. Credit checks, medical checks, physicals, drug screens and multiple interviews with different people are just the beginning. Psychological surveys and video testing BEFORE you get to speak to someone about the job have become the norm.

Some of the more outrageous examples include taking a 30 minute psychological survey for a job as a line cook. Mind you, line cooks make $10 -$12 per hour...This pre hire tactic has become the norm. Employers are demanding these 'tests' before you even sit for an interview! A business to business sales position at Staples requires a 20 minute psychological survey before you send in the application.
These 'psych' surveys are nothing more than dime store psychological wastes of time. These companies get sold a bogus indicator test that is supposed to accurately sum up a persons ability to succeed based on 50 questions...I should be selling these damn things, it looks like a good business to be in. The tests are bad enough however being subjected to them before they even glance at your CV is borderline illegal. I have a little extra time on my hands now a days, I'm going to find out the legality of this and begin a civil action if possible.

The 'credit check' is the next crock of crap they try to lay on you. Some employers actually have the nerve to request a social security number on the application! It makes me think, wow...people do this...I recently had a potential employer send me a rental application for an apartment. He asked that I "...fill it out completely.."(which included putting my wife's info on it), needless to say I didn't. I am not looking for housing or trying to rent an apartment. The same employer had the nerve to give me a low ball offer, (for a high profile, technically oriented, long sales cycle) service, that would include the use of my personal credit card to fly around the country, rent cars and stay in hotels. These people are not from planet earth.. When I look in their eyes and see the arrogant, self justifying way they talk to you- it's off the Richter scale. They are delusional and I would go so far as to say - dangerous. They too need to be brought up on charges and beaten repeatedly with aluminum baseball bats.

The next insulting tactic employers bring down around you is the 'physical' and the drug test. I'll piss in a cup but you are NOT looking up my ass, and you will not grab me and make me turn my head and cough - completely unnecessary and just another way for the doctor to milk the insurance of the idiotic company. I am not a barnyard animal, nor am I a medical experiment - try it on some other poor bastard. This is a great example of the 'preferred' care provider of the company making extra income on the side for demeaning the general public. These medical types are also a big part of the problem. Screw them and their distant, holier than thou, "professional " attitude. I think a well crafted letter of complaint to the insurance carrier of the offending medical practitioner would go a long way to keeping the quack up at night.

The criminal background check is always interesting. Every application has different levels of tolerance for different crimes. Felonies are a no no however misdemeanors are ok - if not occurring in the last 3, 5 or 7 years...Marijuana is ok in California and Colorado - but not other states. The last bumbling excuse of a company I allowed to perform a criminal check from my social did not hire me so I am demanding a copy of the report. I emailed them and reminded the dolts of my legal right - and will pursue it until the half witted morons comply. They need to be raided by the INS - I could of sworn I saw some illegals working there, maybe a concerned citizen will make the call tomorrow.

The funny thing is, all the above atrocities are performed before they place the first call to one of your professional references. That's how completely inverted the whole stupid process is. The process is in and of itself its own little drama that has taken on a life of its own - completely separate from the position or your ability to perform in it. It is a bogus tap dance that employers continually add more drama to - probably because half the people working there are so ineffectual that their primary function has become one of increasing the mentally vacant and useless parade of background checks.


Background Check, Employment, Employment Issues

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author avatar Zarathruster
Internationally Acclaimed Writer of Satire and Human Interest

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