A beginners guide to retail

Memba Ben By Memba Ben, 12th Jul 2016 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Business>Ethics

A guide for people on what to expect when working retail.

Welcome to Retail!

Hi Trainee!

Welcome to the wonderful world of retail, where work ethic, humility, and discipline are (involuntarily) instilled.

Allow me to introduce myself as your training manager,Ben...but you can call me Boss.

What's that?What will your training consist of? That's a good question. Here at ,we like to mix it up by providing basic skills and challenging our employees by putting their ability to wing situations to the test. You will be given a tour of the store to get used to your surroundings. Etiquette lessons will be provided so that you can know your place when talking to our beloved customers (never forget,the customer is always right) and a basic run through of the registry will be provided. This will be done so that A) you can work the hours no one will take (someone has to do it, might as well be you) and B) prevent you from learning ways to steal from the register (I will be watching you,so don't get any ideas). As for the rest, I expect you to MacGyver your way through obstacles you will encounter.

Before we talk about your coworkers,I must warn you that due to a high turnover, you will always have new coworkers so I suggest that you get used to the idea and not get too attached to them.

Now that that's out of the way,allow me to introduce to you your coworkers: on the left is Bob.He is a true believer and always tows the company line.I have a suspicion that he is after my position but he doesn't know that I will use my clout to keep him where he is (don't tell him). The idiot on the right is Jimmy. He is just here for the paycheck and I would have fired him if we were not already understaffed.

Now on to the most important matter: the customers. Your job, Trainee, is to do EXACTLY what they ask of you. If they ask you to,you will throw yourself off a cliff. Remember what we spoke about with the customer ALWAYS being right? It has an exception called the Refund Policy. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU ALLOWED TO GIVE REFUNDS. NONE. As soon as a customer mentions the R-word, you call me IMMEDIATELY.

As a heads up, I will be giving you a monthly performance review based on your dusting abilities and your ability to fold and refold shirts.So try your best to look busy.

Another heads up I would like to give you is that you will be required to learn a memo (which will be given out in due time) and prepare a speech for the district committee that details how our projected target for the year is coming along perfectly (even if they aren't). Make no mistake, if you fail to satisfy their assessment, you will be gone, so for both our sakes, just learn the memo.

Now, on to your schedule.I expect you to be in everyday from 9 AM till 8 PM. I just want to point out that you should forget about having holidays off as that will be when we are busiest so if you have any Christmas plans, you may want to cancel them.

With that, Trainee, I believe we have come to the end of your orientation. I hope you got all that info stored because I hate to repeat myself and I don't feel like answering questions.

I know that it may seem a tad rough but if you look past the long hours, minimum wage, my micromanagement, pandering to customers, lack of relationship with your employees, and soul destroying monotony of the job, it's actually not such a bad job!

With that said, the time has come to end the chatter and for you to get to work. And remember:

The customer is always right!


Humor, Retail, Retail Industry

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author avatar Memba Ben
A fan's view on the business of football.

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