The Boss From Hell; and how to survive
How to survive when you work for the Boss from Hell
- When you can't Quit
- Mr. Micromanage
- Dead Line
- Miss Take
- Sir Staylate
- Making Your Life Miserable?
- Set Your Own Agenda
When you can't Quit
The reality is that sometimes, no matter how bad it is, you can't quit. You need the job. Maybe next year, maybe in two years you can get away, but right now you are stuck in quicksand and have to prevent drowning.
I've been there, done that, even gotten the tee shirt, so I know what it is.
You have to learn how to survive; and thrive under the most obnoxious
conditions next to extraordinary rendition.
And you can do it.
If you start to describe your working day it will take a day and a half to fully
express the kind of hell that you exist in; but start excreting the stress now.
Firstly, let's realise that you are being paid.
You are being paid for whatever.
Stop caring about anything but the pay cheque.
Stop caring about what he says, does, how he acts....Who Cares?
Take it as a comedy program. Find the job and the Boss funny.
Stop thinking about the job the second you walk out the door until the second you walk in.
On second thought; why think about it at all?
Boss gets your goat because you care.
Let it go.
Let it all go.
Put it behind glass.
It can't touch you. Don't let anything done or said touch you. Your place of business is where you hang out for eight hours. Treat it like a hang out.
Mr. Micromanage hates your work. You have to do everything over and over again. Why get angry or frustrated? It's his time.
If it's one document that will take ten days well that's ten days pay for one document.
Cool. Sure, you could do twenty or thirty in ten days, but hey, he wants you to do one for the same pay, that's groovey.
Remember; he is paying you for work done. If he prevents you from being productive hey, that's a gift! So the stack of files on your desk hits the ceiling and topples over. Hey, that's neat. Don't think of it as 'your files' and that 'you have so much work to do.'
Just deal with the one file, over and over and over again, until he finally signs off on it.
Then you select another you can spend all week on thanks to Mr. Micromanage.
Pressuring you with deadlines is cool. That really creates a nice pleasant work environment....(I am being sarcastic here)
Instead of getting your blood pressure over the moon, step back. Meet the deadline with the best you can do during the work hours.
Sure if he gave you this project last week you'd be able to do it in ten days perfectly. Giving you ten days presumes you'll produce your best work. But he dumps it on you today for tomorrow.
He expects you to take it home or stay at work all night.
That is What you DON'T DO.
You do what you can during working hours. When it is quitting time, leave. Or, wait until he leaves, thinking he's got you good and you'll be there all night, then dump the 'completed' item on his desk before walking out.
Sure it is crap work, with so much left out, but hey, you did the best you could in the time you had. Work L A T E? Why?
Then next day, If he blusters and screams, look stupid. Attentively stupid.
What do you care about the project? Why are you stressing?
If he could manage time better he'd have given you
ten days to do it. Since he can't manage time why should you punish yourself?
Do the best you can during the working day (unless you get paid for overtime) and leave. Do not take the project home with you, do not think about it, and if it's Friday evening and you're supposed to have it ready for Monday morning... "I won't be home this weekend..." and look him straight in the eye.
Depending on if he asks Why and how good a liar you are, now's your chance. Of course, if you don't lie well, really do take that weekender you've been thinking about.
Never take work home over the Weekend. It is a crime against nature.
She's wrong. You know she's wrong. But she goes ballistic if you try to speak.
So do it wrong. Do it just the way she wants.
What do you care?
When whatever you have done is rejected it's not your problem. Keep quiet. Don't try to correct a Miss Take. She needs to think she knows everything. Cool. Not your paper being wasted, not your electricity being used, doing it over and over until the copier runs out of ink is not your problem. Why are you grumbling?
At 4:45 Staylate arrives at your desk with a rush job. All day he's ignored you.
He could have said something about the job when you said 'Good Morning.'
But Staylate didn't. He wants you to Stay Late.
If you calm down and do a bit of investigation you will find that it is not Every day he needs you or another victim to stay late...often it is specific days. Keep a record of Sir Staylate's movements.
Many Sir Staylates have very little life. They may have nothing to do until that Lodge meeting at Seven so want company until 6:30 on a Thursday.
Make it clear to everyone that on Thursday you can't work late as you have a
course to do. Start packing up and get away from your workspace at 4:40. You are not asking to leave early, you simply can't stay late on Thursday. Hence he'll have to find someone else to annoy.
Watch his schedule and set your own so that on his 'late' days you have to leave On Time. Once you learn his schedule you can set out of office meetings at 3:30 so
you don't come back, work through lunch breaks then take a late lunch and don't come back.
Instead of thinking how much you hate having to work late think of how you can avoid it.
For example, get someone to pick you up at the office, tell whomever is available that something happened and you have to leave. If you're a woman, get some big rough looking guy to come for you with an attitude as if he thinks 'something is going on'.
If you're a guy get on the cell, as if something has happened to your wife/girlfriend/
mother, and say, 'I have to go!" at 4:55, (if your quitting time is 5:00 pm).
Put some thought to your methods.
She needs to control everything.
Take her usual Staff meeting where she'll provide lunch; only the lunch is on her desk and has been on her desk for an hour and is now ice cold. And she's enjoying her diatribes.
She'll spend hours telling you how to dress, what to do, making a big deal out of you sitting on the desk or going to the bathroom twice in one day.
You can tell when she's not there, it is springtime in the office, people smile and talk.
When she's there, it's the bowels of winter and people don't even make eye contact.
More work gets done when she's not there.
She can be ever so friendly and warm, joking and smiling. This is to set you up for when her true viciousness emerges.
Let's review her 'modus operandi'
She orders lunch so she can torture the staff. She knows that no one is going to buy lunch. Employees are going to die of hunger while she babbles. This pleases her.
She attacks in scatter shot looking for the jugular. Watching to see what will hurt
the most. So she can step it up.
She plays friendly looking for weak spots.
How to deal with this?
Get your own lunch. You know the drill. Eat before you enter the meeting. You aren't hungry. She can babble herself hoarse.
When she gives you that head to toe morning till tea attack tune her out. She is saying nothing you need to hear. Keep your face attentively stupid. Show no emotion.
When she tries to be friendly look blank. Same stupid attentive look. Share nothing with her. If she goes over five minutes excuse yourself to go to the toilet. Spend at least fifteen minutes in there. If she's still waiting tell her you don't feel well.
Don't like her, trust her, even think about her.
Making Your Life Miserable?
If you don't let your Boss make your life miserable s/he can't. She can't call you at home when your phone is off, or you're not there. He can't demand you stay late when you've already left.Boss can't control you when you don't allow it.
When it comes to dress, keep some old acceptable whatever at the office and change your clothes after you arrive; (easy 30 minute extra break).You can walk in as a Goth and after bathroom break look like a Fundie. Then, 30 minutes before quitting, back to Abbie on NCIS.
When it comes to that horrible experience of having Boss sit on your shoulder to watch everything you do take your time. Let him/her/it find lots of mistakes. Take it as a joke.
It really is.
You are being paid $$ to work. Boss is wasting your time...
Boss is Wasting HIS Time.
You have 'sold' eight hours of your life to this business. If during that eight hours you do nothing...or the same rubbish over and again...
So What? It is like someone buying a Blackberry and uses none of the features.
So What? They bought a Blackberry when the cheapest cell on the market would
Set Your Own Agenda
Act as happy as you can. Feel great. Do Not give anyone the Power to control your attitude. The Boss and his or her mental problems have nothing to do with you. S/he can scream, can have you do the same meaningless thing over and again, can demand you work late or come in on weekends.
The Boss, like everyone else, has Freedom of Speech
You, as everyone else, have Freedom of Hearing.
Boss can say whatever. You don't have to Listen.
You are not working late, you're not working on weekends. Keep it a secret. Dash out ten minutes before quitting on an 'emergency' Call in sick on Friday.
You don't say; "I am not coming in, working late, doing that..." You just don't do it.
Instead of spending all your time going over that nasty remark Boss made, or how much you hate your job, think about new and better ways to get out of work. This pursuit will grant you many pleasant moments and a true sense of achievement.